Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
