fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
