he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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