I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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