farters have to be the big spoon...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
