I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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