Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
