she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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