why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
