There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
