You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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