I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He better not be in your backpack
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
