Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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