It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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