I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
