was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
