She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
