The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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