How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
