There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
