singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
