yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
