i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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