i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My bed smells like the plague
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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