I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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