I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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