Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
