I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
