I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
