Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
