I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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