This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Life is so much better after having sex.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
