You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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