His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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