If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
