dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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