he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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