Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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