Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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