My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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