she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
