So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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