I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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