Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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