I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
