I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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