After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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