New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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