she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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