How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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