who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
