Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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