We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
