he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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