and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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