Have you finally orgasmed yet?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I want a musical about memes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
