he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
