Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
