just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
