I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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