I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
