Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
