i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
