I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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