I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
