I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
And then he peed in my hair
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