our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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