look no pants
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
