From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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