Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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