hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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