theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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