I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
