He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
