mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
