walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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