Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
