Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
