Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
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I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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